Update 2012

I haven't been on my blog in ages.  I just thought I would update and let any followers I may have had know what I have been up to these days.  I am still living in the ATL and am loving it.  I live with my now 10 year old son and a truly loving British boyfriend.  We plan on getting married next year.  The story of how we met can be seen on my latest website on Polyvore:
http://www.polyvore.com/my_love_story/collection?id=1524216

If you haven't checked out Polyvore, it is an excellent site for us creative people who love fashion and art.  I love it. 

Hamster in the Wheel

I haven't written in a long while. I did finally get a job as a secretary for a really great company in the city. However, my romantic life is the pits. I have had too many one nighters and too few calls. And then last night was really pathetic. I was invited to a party but only knew one person there so decided not to go and instead hung out at the local tavern. I had a couple of drinks and then started drunk texting friends inviting them to come by and have a drink with me. I was basically all dressed up and feeling cute but lonely. Guys were chatting it up with me, but I wasn't interested in any of them. So I get a text back from Matt (an old friend that I thought would be fun to see). He texts that he will come join me. When he shows up, I realize I called the wrong Matt. Instead of my friend Matt, its this guy that I went out with once and then made great efforts to blow off. Oops. Well, I chat it up with him reluctantly catching up even though I really was unsure of how to get out of this one. Then another guy I texted (an old flame I recently got together with) says he can come meet me! I tell Matt that my friend who is in town from New York (true story) is on his way over. I tried to squeeze out of the situation gracefully but in the end I just blew him off rudely. When my New York friend arrived, I was so excited to see him that I completely ignored Matt. I do feel bad about being rude, but he did not get the hint. He just stood next to us the whole time while we caught up with eachother! Finally, he realized that Iwasn't the slightest bit interested in him and said goodbye. And, as for my New York friend he did not go home with me. On top of all of that, I overslept and was late for work. Am I the only one who just can't seem to get it right, no matter how hard I try.

True Colors

Well, his true colors came out in a big way. I have been enjoying the life of the cougar with my young boyfriend up until last week. We were totally getting along, spending practically every night together. He would come over and cook me dinner and hang out with me and watch TV with my son sound asleep in the other room. We were enjoying the quickie daliances that couples enjoy when there is a kid involved. Then, I was working a temp job one night and suggested we go out. He said he would go ahead as I was getting off late. He was two beers ahead of me when I arrived (he had also enjoyed several beverages with his friend before). I met him at our local bar. He was very ornery right from the start (Perhaps said friend had riled him up?). He gave me a hard time about not having found a job yet (even though I was paying for the night because he didn't have money from his part time job). I blew that off. But then, we arrived at the bar only to find he knew a girl that he had supposedly not slept with, only dated. She was with another guy. He decided to obsess over that and wanted to pick a fight with the guy. I told him he was being ridiculous, that he was with me - yea! NOT! He kept obsessing over them and was set on picking a fight. He told me I wasn't being supportive, that he needed a girl that was supportive. I told him I couldn't support him fighting with a total stranger over some girl he supposedly "dated once". We argued unitl we went back to his place.

The next morning, he awoke early for work and I told him I wanted to go home (so as not to have to pee in his parents' bathroom which he shared). He got mad at me! Then he said "I can't do this anymore, we're over and done."

He was supposed to go to a wedding weekend with me the next day at my parent's lake house and I haven't heard since.

What kind of closure is that? What kind of idiot am I for missing him right now? What an ASS!

Tides are Changing

I have been dating a new guy for about a month now. I have not had this much fun with a guy in over two years. We have been spending tons of time together and talk every day. He is younger by nine years, so I guess that makes me a cougar - yikes. He is about as different from my last boyfriend as you can get. My ex had a great job, loads of financial freedom, spoiled me, hardly drank and was very possessive. My new guy is waffling job-wise, is loads of fun, broke as I am, and is very easy going. I have decided to let it go that I sometimes have to pay for our dates (even though I can't afford to). I have decided to let it go that he lives in his parent's garage apartment (state of the economy that I, too, have had to make life changes for). But last night, well, I'm not sure I can just let that go.

My phone rang about 1:30 and I slept through it, but then rang again and I woke up. It was my new guy, Jay. He had been at a party on the other side of town and wanted to see if he could come over. I told him to be careful that I was worried about him driving after drinking, but that he could if he was quiet (I had my seven year old son and his friend asleep on the couch in the living room). About 10 minutes later he called again saying his car had stalled on the freeway and he needed me to pick him up. He was angry and cussing up a storm. I told him I couldn't pick him up because my son and his friend were asleep and there was no way I was going to drag them out in the middle of the night to go pick up my drunk boyfriend on the other side of town. He actually said, "Well, their asleep, just leave them, they won't notice." Seriously. I am not leaving my seven year old son and his friend at 2 am to go pick up my drunk boyfriend on the other side of town. I told him to cab it. I haven't heard from him since last night, and I am upset that he hasn't called to tell me he is okay. I am also upset that he posted pictures of the young, pretty girls he was partying with on his facebook last night before all of this happened. It doesn't take long before someone's true colors come out. I guess that is what I get for dating a younger man. I wonder if this tide is moving out just as it started to come in.

Can't Live With 'em, Can't Live Without 'em

Guys have been calling me often lately to go out, but I have noticed that I don't care or bother to return their calls (again an obvious sign that they enjoy the chase). I have come to realize that I a) am not meeting men who spark my interest and b) am really enjoying not having anyone to report to. I watched two friends of mine recently fall into the love hole, only to watch them struggle as they try to climb out. One, I'll call Janey, has been dating a guy (the friend of my brother's) and has come to realize that he may very well have a drug problem. The other, I'll call Jessica, has been seeing a guy who is way too critical about how she lives her life. I think I've been not returning the calls because I am afraid of falling into that hole again. I'd prefer to sit at home with my son and watch "American Idol" over dealing with the complications that come with relationships. And I do find it flattering that guys are calling, but for once in my life I have no desire to pursue them. Deep down in my heart, I still want to meet that guy who knocks me off of my feet and turns my world around. But I wonder if it is still possible.

Seems to me dad's have it easy

Dating is challenging enough without the added pressure of being a mom. When do we actually find the time? I find that I rarely have enough notice from my son's dad (on when he will take my son) to even accept a date. And those times are few and far between. And given that I am currently unemployed and recently moved across town, it isn't easy to find a sitter or afford one. I am lucky that my ex is involved with my son. However, he travels a lot for work so it isn't very consistent. One week he will take him on a Saturday, then a few weeks later he will take him all weekend. It just depends on his schedule. How lucky is he that he can just take him whenever he feels like it. I mean how would I know if he was truly working or out on the town every night. Meanwhile, I try to figure out when I can work in a date. And the guys I am dating seem to lose interest, probably on the basis that they can rarely see me. I think it would be a lot easier if I were meeting men who have kids of their own; then, perhaps they would at least understand. Yet the guys I am meeting are unmarried without children. And I have tried online dating, but I find it is harder to judge a person without meeting them face to face. And given my limited nights out, it sometimes seems like a big waste of time meeting guys that I know right away are not right for me.

And I also value my girl friends, and love to go out with them when I get the chance. So I have to be creative in order to spend time with them and find time to date. I realize now that I have been single for a year. This has been the longest stretch for me since college without having a relationship. I do think it is great for me; I need this time to myself. And I have been enjoying my freedom and being single. But I also wonder how difficult it will be to meet the man of my dreams if I can only see him every other Saturday (or sometimes less). If I am not willing to let him meet my child until we are serious, he will have to be awfully patient. I guess I will take the "wait and see" approach; and when the right guy comes along, hopefully, I will be able to find the time to work him into my life.

When it Rains it Pours

I had three dates this past weekend (it was spring break and my son was at his nana's). I don't usually date this many guys in one weekend, but they have been calling so what the heck! Friday, I went out with the guy who was sick on date #1 (I decided to give him a second chance - not sure why). Sadly I ended up paying for our night out. I guess he played on my sympathies (he had just lost his father to cancer and is also out of work right now). But, as a single mom who is struggling to make ends meet, I think it would make more sense if he had paid for half the bill! And, once again, he invited his lame friend to meet up with us, and talked of the girl he is in love with instead of asking questions about me. Not exactly my knight in shining armor.

My second date was with Mr. Nice Guy. He and I had agreed to be just friends and went out and partied like rock stars. Bad idea. By the end of the night, he was once again professing his love for me. Apparently he cannot handle being just friends.

My third date was with Dane, my old college friend. I am not sure why I keep going out with a man who obviously puts work first. He texts me for a date after weeks of not talking. So I meet him for a couple of drinks. He acts like I am the girl of his dreams the whole time, lingering on my every word, asking me probing questions like "What are you really looking for?" I shoot them back at him. He wants a partner, he says. He also tries to convince me that we would see more of eachother if I would let him come over when my son is home. I explain that I like to keep my dating life and my mommydom separate. I don't want my son to get too attached to a guy who may not be around for long. He tells me everything he thinks I want to hear. But I don't buy it because actions speak louder than words. In my mind, he is just a player. Not surprisingly, he asks me to come over to his place. I decline (mainly because I am so tired from my night out with Mr. Nice Guy). But I am relieved that I declined. Yes, some good sex would be nice for a change, but I see it more as a booty call, and I feel I may be getting too old for booty calls.

Maybe its the recent dye job (I just became a red head recently) or maybe it's something in the air, but I am not used to having so many guys asking me out. I know that I am not truly interested in any of them, but they keep calling. I guess it's true that guys enjoy a good chase.