Can't Live With 'em, Can't Live Without 'em

Guys have been calling me often lately to go out, but I have noticed that I don't care or bother to return their calls (again an obvious sign that they enjoy the chase). I have come to realize that I a) am not meeting men who spark my interest and b) am really enjoying not having anyone to report to. I watched two friends of mine recently fall into the love hole, only to watch them struggle as they try to climb out. One, I'll call Janey, has been dating a guy (the friend of my brother's) and has come to realize that he may very well have a drug problem. The other, I'll call Jessica, has been seeing a guy who is way too critical about how she lives her life. I think I've been not returning the calls because I am afraid of falling into that hole again. I'd prefer to sit at home with my son and watch "American Idol" over dealing with the complications that come with relationships. And I do find it flattering that guys are calling, but for once in my life I have no desire to pursue them. Deep down in my heart, I still want to meet that guy who knocks me off of my feet and turns my world around. But I wonder if it is still possible.

Seems to me dad's have it easy

Dating is challenging enough without the added pressure of being a mom. When do we actually find the time? I find that I rarely have enough notice from my son's dad (on when he will take my son) to even accept a date. And those times are few and far between. And given that I am currently unemployed and recently moved across town, it isn't easy to find a sitter or afford one. I am lucky that my ex is involved with my son. However, he travels a lot for work so it isn't very consistent. One week he will take him on a Saturday, then a few weeks later he will take him all weekend. It just depends on his schedule. How lucky is he that he can just take him whenever he feels like it. I mean how would I know if he was truly working or out on the town every night. Meanwhile, I try to figure out when I can work in a date. And the guys I am dating seem to lose interest, probably on the basis that they can rarely see me. I think it would be a lot easier if I were meeting men who have kids of their own; then, perhaps they would at least understand. Yet the guys I am meeting are unmarried without children. And I have tried online dating, but I find it is harder to judge a person without meeting them face to face. And given my limited nights out, it sometimes seems like a big waste of time meeting guys that I know right away are not right for me.

And I also value my girl friends, and love to go out with them when I get the chance. So I have to be creative in order to spend time with them and find time to date. I realize now that I have been single for a year. This has been the longest stretch for me since college without having a relationship. I do think it is great for me; I need this time to myself. And I have been enjoying my freedom and being single. But I also wonder how difficult it will be to meet the man of my dreams if I can only see him every other Saturday (or sometimes less). If I am not willing to let him meet my child until we are serious, he will have to be awfully patient. I guess I will take the "wait and see" approach; and when the right guy comes along, hopefully, I will be able to find the time to work him into my life.

When it Rains it Pours

I had three dates this past weekend (it was spring break and my son was at his nana's). I don't usually date this many guys in one weekend, but they have been calling so what the heck! Friday, I went out with the guy who was sick on date #1 (I decided to give him a second chance - not sure why). Sadly I ended up paying for our night out. I guess he played on my sympathies (he had just lost his father to cancer and is also out of work right now). But, as a single mom who is struggling to make ends meet, I think it would make more sense if he had paid for half the bill! And, once again, he invited his lame friend to meet up with us, and talked of the girl he is in love with instead of asking questions about me. Not exactly my knight in shining armor.

My second date was with Mr. Nice Guy. He and I had agreed to be just friends and went out and partied like rock stars. Bad idea. By the end of the night, he was once again professing his love for me. Apparently he cannot handle being just friends.

My third date was with Dane, my old college friend. I am not sure why I keep going out with a man who obviously puts work first. He texts me for a date after weeks of not talking. So I meet him for a couple of drinks. He acts like I am the girl of his dreams the whole time, lingering on my every word, asking me probing questions like "What are you really looking for?" I shoot them back at him. He wants a partner, he says. He also tries to convince me that we would see more of eachother if I would let him come over when my son is home. I explain that I like to keep my dating life and my mommydom separate. I don't want my son to get too attached to a guy who may not be around for long. He tells me everything he thinks I want to hear. But I don't buy it because actions speak louder than words. In my mind, he is just a player. Not surprisingly, he asks me to come over to his place. I decline (mainly because I am so tired from my night out with Mr. Nice Guy). But I am relieved that I declined. Yes, some good sex would be nice for a change, but I see it more as a booty call, and I feel I may be getting too old for booty calls.

Maybe its the recent dye job (I just became a red head recently) or maybe it's something in the air, but I am not used to having so many guys asking me out. I know that I am not truly interested in any of them, but they keep calling. I guess it's true that guys enjoy a good chase.

Age is Not a Contagious Disease!

I went out last night, decided to skip the club night with the girls (I'm not much of a club goer). Went to the local tavern instead. Chatted it up with a very cute guy. We hit it off immediately, easy conversation. We made each other laugh. Liked the same music and movies. We enjoyed several drinks together over several hours of great conversation. But then the age question arose. And I knew he was probably a bit younger; I didn't realize he was only 26. Yikes, 26. For me, that was 11 years ago! I can't tell you how fast he got out of there after realizing how much older I am. I know I probably don't have much in common with a 26 year old. I know I have tons more baggage (a divorce, a kid, a slew of exes), but couldn't we at least hang out and be friends? Is that just impossible? Was Harry right when he said that women and men cannot be just friends?

Seriously?!

I went out on Saturday night with a guy I had met the week before at the St. Patty's event. We had not even talked on the phone; he asked me out through a text. So Romantic. I show up to meet him at his house in a very nice area of Atlanta. His house is somewhat surprising to me. He lives in an old house that smells of mildew and resembles that of an old frat boy's party home at the beach. He is 41, so I guess I would expect him to be a little more sophisticated. He then invites me to hang out and have a beer while we watch some basketball. Well, I am not a sports fan, but I conceded and sat down in his old comfy chair in a room overflowing with too much furniture. We chatted for a bit and it became apparent that my date was suffering from a major cold. He was all stuffed up and coughed quite a bit. But he said he wanted to go out for a bit (and I had already driven down to the area) so we went to a sports bar near his house. Once there, he waved over his friend who joined us in a booth, where we ate and enjoyed another beer. By the end of the meal, he was looking very weary and tired. I told him so and he agreed he wasn't feeling very good. So we went back to his place. He coaxed me into staying a while to keep him company. We had another drink while listening to some country music in his breakfast room (which had been turned into a bar area with a nice wood bar he built himself glittering with twinkle lights). He proceeded to talk about a girl he was in love with (for an hour!!!) Then asked my advice on how he should handle the situation (as she like him as just a friend - imagine that). Then, he was obviously not feeling great and wanted to lay down and watch a movie. I felt his head and noticed he had a fever. And although he wanted me to keep him company, I declined saying it was still early and I was feeling like going out still. So I finally left. Truth was, he seemed like a great guy to have as a friend, but seriously not a match made in heaven. Why would he go on a first date when he was feeling so ill? And then sit there and talk about a girl he is obviously still hung up on?! It's times like these that make me wonder why I date at all.

I'm Not Gonna Write You a Love Song

What a slap in the face! I went out with Dane (college friend, another Mr. Executive) last week and we had a good time again (or so I thought). It was our third night out together, and, although, I am not thinking long term with him, I did enjoy another night of cavorting and carefree kisses under the covers. So, here it is: Valentine's weekend, and I haven't heard a word from him. I don't expect much, mind you, but a call or email would be nice. So, I shot him an email "Hope your week is going well." And I get a call back. He asks if I have my son this weekend. I take that as "Do you want to go out?" So, I tell him I don't have my son Saturday night (which is true, although I have not made any plans yet - pathetic, I know). He asks if I would like to do some work for his company to make some extra cash. What!? Work - on Saturday night, which happens to be Valentine's night - I don't think so. I mean, I know I need a job, but really! Does he really think I am that desperate for money? And, is he just going to ignore the fact that we have been sleeping together and it is Valentine's weekend?! So, I told him I don't like the idea of working a Saturday night, but that I would get back to him if I could find someone to watch my son during the day. But really, I have no desire to go work at his office on Valentine's Day. How lousy did that make me feel? I think I should just blow him off and shoot him another email that says I can't do it. Then, I should just go out with Mr. Nice Guy, who, of course, has been asking me out for weeks. What would you do?

MEOW!

So, Mr. ER Nurse came over the other night. I have to admit I was pretty smooth. I had ordered a pizza that just happened to arrive just after he did. I invited him to join us for pizza and he did. We had a nice chat over dinner and then he left with the kitten and my phone number :). He also gave me his full name so I looked him up on Facebook and made him my "friend". But I was disconcerted when I saw his interests were "hard rock music, motorcycles and guns". I hate hard rock music, dislike motorcycles (had my fun on them when I was young, but then a friend of mine was paralyzed and it scared me off of them for good), and I am seriously against guns. I don't know if I even want to go out with him now. I mean he obviously is a bad boy type and that is exactly what I don't need in my life right now. He didn't seem like a bad boy. After all, he is a nurse in the ICU and ER. And he seemed super sweet. He was getting the kitten for his three year old daughter's birthday!

Oh, and I didn't even mention his pictures showed off his hot bod with several tattoos. Not a big fan of those either. I guess my fantasy nurse isn't really for me. Or should I go out with him just to see what he is truly all about?

Breaking through the concrete

This time last year I was going through absolute hell in my relationship. My boyfriend at the time was showing his oh-so-possesive, controlling jealous asshole side on a consistent basis. So much so that I was afraid of what the consequences would be if I left. So, after surviving the relationship from hell last year, I am still very much afraid of falling for anyone. I mean, how does one trust again after seeing a fun, passionate relationship turn into a treacherous disaster full of distrust and despair. I don't know that I was ever in love with him; I think I just fell in love with the idea of him. He was so different in reality than what I made him out to be. It was easy to make him about to be the man of my dreams since it was long distance for the first year of our relationship. But when he moved in, the red flags started waving furiously. I ignored them, wanting so badly to believe he was who I wanted him to be. But I could only ignore them for so long. Because they went from red flags to grenades being thrown at me. In six months of living together, I found out who he truly was - a controlling, possessive, jealous person with no respect for who I truly was. I put up with it all for six months still after that! I wish I hadn't but felt I didn't have a choice since I got laid off right when I was breaking things off with him.

So that is why I have no desire to get into a serious relationship right now. I am enjoying dating when I can find time for it. I am enjoying the casual first meetings, fun nights out, first kisses, etc. But I guess I wonder if it is really possible to find true love. Every girl wants it. But I wonder if I will be searching for it the rest of my life. Would I miss it if it were right in front of me because I carry so much baggage with me wherever I go? Will anyone be able to break down the walls that I have so carefully constructed around me? Will I know my real prince when he stares into my eyes?

New Rules Apply

Dating today is so different now. Technology has really changed the whole scene. What with match site dating and texting and email, it really is a different world. And I'm not so sure I like it. As much as I find it easy to avoid talking to someone I don't want to converse with, I find it harder to get to know someone if you mainly communicate through texts and emails. And truthfully, I don't have time to answer my phone and chat awhile anyway. I work all day and take care of my child in the evenings. So a brief email to confirm a date works fine. But can you still really get to know someone if there is no verbal communication during the week? Does this slow the getting-to-know-you process? It seems to take away from the whole concept of a guy trying to woo a girl. What kind of romantic courtship is taking place through a text? It seems to diminish the importance of the date. It keeps it on a casual level. So is this letting guys off easy?

Meeting Mr. Right

I work in a bridal shop (yes, I know its completely ironic). One thing I always ask the brides is "How did you meet him?" Most of the time I get pretty standard answers: "Through friends", "At Church", or "At school". But I always like to hear because, I guess, part of me wonders where I will meet my Mr. Right. But when I think back to how I met the guys I dated seriously in the past, well, it wasn't so standard. My ex-husband and I met through work, which is pretty common, but we "fooled around and fell in love" which isn't. My last boyfriend - Mr. Executive - was from out of town and I met him in the Atlanta Airport. He was an international businessman in from London. I was on my way to a wedding in Florida, a case of when "two worlds collided". Then there was an ex-boyfriend (definitely a Mr. Nice Guy) who I met over a body shot of tequila (my crazy impulsiveness on that one). I guess he caught my eye right away. None of these relationships worked out in the end, obviously or I wouldn't still be single, but they were fascinating learning experiences if nothing else. I have had other boyfriends over the years who I did meet in school or through friends, but they don't stand out in my mind as much as those three probably because the relationships didn't last as long. These are three men who I dated for 2 years or more and lived with. So who knows where I will meet the next one? I believe it will be something unusual once again, when I least expect it. What is the wildest or most interesting place you ever met someone you fell for?

Guys, Men & Boys

I have spent almost all of my adult years being single (I was married for 6 of my 36 years). In that time I have come to some conclusions about guys. Some may call them stereotypes, but really they are just observations based on my experiences. Mainly, in my recent dating adventures I have found that guys fall into one of the following categories:
1) Mr. Executive - This is a man who is usually divorced with kids (but not always). He dresses well, is very intelligent, educated and has a great job. He casually throws in tidbits about his well paying position and likes to shower women with gifts. He is usually looking for company for a nice evening out, but is definitely hoping to get laid.
2) Mr. Wife - This guy is usually a divorced parent looking for someone to take his wife's place. He is sensitive to women, gentlemanly and looking to start a relationship as soon as possible. He will ask you out on a fun date at first, but as soon as he feels close to you, he will ask you if he can cook for you, and then want to cuddle up on the couch with a movie.
3) Mr. Hottie - This guy has played with the best of them. He is usually a commitment phobe. He is used to being ogled by women and can usually get a woman into bed with him on the first date with his smooth moves and charming smile.
4) Mr. Nice Guy - This guy is usually a nerd at heart. He is kind, thoughtful and generous. He can be sweet to a fault. He can give away his heart very quickly. He is very excited to be with a beautiful woman and usually shows nervousness on the first date. He won't make the first move.
5) Mr. Frat Boy - This guy is stuck in his college years. He loves to party and knows how to have a good time. He doesn't have high aspirations; he usually just holds down a regular job, if that. He treats women like toys.