Tides are Changing

I have been dating a new guy for about a month now. I have not had this much fun with a guy in over two years. We have been spending tons of time together and talk every day. He is younger by nine years, so I guess that makes me a cougar - yikes. He is about as different from my last boyfriend as you can get. My ex had a great job, loads of financial freedom, spoiled me, hardly drank and was very possessive. My new guy is waffling job-wise, is loads of fun, broke as I am, and is very easy going. I have decided to let it go that I sometimes have to pay for our dates (even though I can't afford to). I have decided to let it go that he lives in his parent's garage apartment (state of the economy that I, too, have had to make life changes for). But last night, well, I'm not sure I can just let that go.

My phone rang about 1:30 and I slept through it, but then rang again and I woke up. It was my new guy, Jay. He had been at a party on the other side of town and wanted to see if he could come over. I told him to be careful that I was worried about him driving after drinking, but that he could if he was quiet (I had my seven year old son and his friend asleep on the couch in the living room). About 10 minutes later he called again saying his car had stalled on the freeway and he needed me to pick him up. He was angry and cussing up a storm. I told him I couldn't pick him up because my son and his friend were asleep and there was no way I was going to drag them out in the middle of the night to go pick up my drunk boyfriend on the other side of town. He actually said, "Well, their asleep, just leave them, they won't notice." Seriously. I am not leaving my seven year old son and his friend at 2 am to go pick up my drunk boyfriend on the other side of town. I told him to cab it. I haven't heard from him since last night, and I am upset that he hasn't called to tell me he is okay. I am also upset that he posted pictures of the young, pretty girls he was partying with on his facebook last night before all of this happened. It doesn't take long before someone's true colors come out. I guess that is what I get for dating a younger man. I wonder if this tide is moving out just as it started to come in.

Can't Live With 'em, Can't Live Without 'em

Guys have been calling me often lately to go out, but I have noticed that I don't care or bother to return their calls (again an obvious sign that they enjoy the chase). I have come to realize that I a) am not meeting men who spark my interest and b) am really enjoying not having anyone to report to. I watched two friends of mine recently fall into the love hole, only to watch them struggle as they try to climb out. One, I'll call Janey, has been dating a guy (the friend of my brother's) and has come to realize that he may very well have a drug problem. The other, I'll call Jessica, has been seeing a guy who is way too critical about how she lives her life. I think I've been not returning the calls because I am afraid of falling into that hole again. I'd prefer to sit at home with my son and watch "American Idol" over dealing with the complications that come with relationships. And I do find it flattering that guys are calling, but for once in my life I have no desire to pursue them. Deep down in my heart, I still want to meet that guy who knocks me off of my feet and turns my world around. But I wonder if it is still possible.

Seems to me dad's have it easy

Dating is challenging enough without the added pressure of being a mom. When do we actually find the time? I find that I rarely have enough notice from my son's dad (on when he will take my son) to even accept a date. And those times are few and far between. And given that I am currently unemployed and recently moved across town, it isn't easy to find a sitter or afford one. I am lucky that my ex is involved with my son. However, he travels a lot for work so it isn't very consistent. One week he will take him on a Saturday, then a few weeks later he will take him all weekend. It just depends on his schedule. How lucky is he that he can just take him whenever he feels like it. I mean how would I know if he was truly working or out on the town every night. Meanwhile, I try to figure out when I can work in a date. And the guys I am dating seem to lose interest, probably on the basis that they can rarely see me. I think it would be a lot easier if I were meeting men who have kids of their own; then, perhaps they would at least understand. Yet the guys I am meeting are unmarried without children. And I have tried online dating, but I find it is harder to judge a person without meeting them face to face. And given my limited nights out, it sometimes seems like a big waste of time meeting guys that I know right away are not right for me.

And I also value my girl friends, and love to go out with them when I get the chance. So I have to be creative in order to spend time with them and find time to date. I realize now that I have been single for a year. This has been the longest stretch for me since college without having a relationship. I do think it is great for me; I need this time to myself. And I have been enjoying my freedom and being single. But I also wonder how difficult it will be to meet the man of my dreams if I can only see him every other Saturday (or sometimes less). If I am not willing to let him meet my child until we are serious, he will have to be awfully patient. I guess I will take the "wait and see" approach; and when the right guy comes along, hopefully, I will be able to find the time to work him into my life.

When it Rains it Pours

I had three dates this past weekend (it was spring break and my son was at his nana's). I don't usually date this many guys in one weekend, but they have been calling so what the heck! Friday, I went out with the guy who was sick on date #1 (I decided to give him a second chance - not sure why). Sadly I ended up paying for our night out. I guess he played on my sympathies (he had just lost his father to cancer and is also out of work right now). But, as a single mom who is struggling to make ends meet, I think it would make more sense if he had paid for half the bill! And, once again, he invited his lame friend to meet up with us, and talked of the girl he is in love with instead of asking questions about me. Not exactly my knight in shining armor.

My second date was with Mr. Nice Guy. He and I had agreed to be just friends and went out and partied like rock stars. Bad idea. By the end of the night, he was once again professing his love for me. Apparently he cannot handle being just friends.

My third date was with Dane, my old college friend. I am not sure why I keep going out with a man who obviously puts work first. He texts me for a date after weeks of not talking. So I meet him for a couple of drinks. He acts like I am the girl of his dreams the whole time, lingering on my every word, asking me probing questions like "What are you really looking for?" I shoot them back at him. He wants a partner, he says. He also tries to convince me that we would see more of eachother if I would let him come over when my son is home. I explain that I like to keep my dating life and my mommydom separate. I don't want my son to get too attached to a guy who may not be around for long. He tells me everything he thinks I want to hear. But I don't buy it because actions speak louder than words. In my mind, he is just a player. Not surprisingly, he asks me to come over to his place. I decline (mainly because I am so tired from my night out with Mr. Nice Guy). But I am relieved that I declined. Yes, some good sex would be nice for a change, but I see it more as a booty call, and I feel I may be getting too old for booty calls.

Maybe its the recent dye job (I just became a red head recently) or maybe it's something in the air, but I am not used to having so many guys asking me out. I know that I am not truly interested in any of them, but they keep calling. I guess it's true that guys enjoy a good chase.

Age is Not a Contagious Disease!

I went out last night, decided to skip the club night with the girls (I'm not much of a club goer). Went to the local tavern instead. Chatted it up with a very cute guy. We hit it off immediately, easy conversation. We made each other laugh. Liked the same music and movies. We enjoyed several drinks together over several hours of great conversation. But then the age question arose. And I knew he was probably a bit younger; I didn't realize he was only 26. Yikes, 26. For me, that was 11 years ago! I can't tell you how fast he got out of there after realizing how much older I am. I know I probably don't have much in common with a 26 year old. I know I have tons more baggage (a divorce, a kid, a slew of exes), but couldn't we at least hang out and be friends? Is that just impossible? Was Harry right when he said that women and men cannot be just friends?

Seriously?!

I went out on Saturday night with a guy I had met the week before at the St. Patty's event. We had not even talked on the phone; he asked me out through a text. So Romantic. I show up to meet him at his house in a very nice area of Atlanta. His house is somewhat surprising to me. He lives in an old house that smells of mildew and resembles that of an old frat boy's party home at the beach. He is 41, so I guess I would expect him to be a little more sophisticated. He then invites me to hang out and have a beer while we watch some basketball. Well, I am not a sports fan, but I conceded and sat down in his old comfy chair in a room overflowing with too much furniture. We chatted for a bit and it became apparent that my date was suffering from a major cold. He was all stuffed up and coughed quite a bit. But he said he wanted to go out for a bit (and I had already driven down to the area) so we went to a sports bar near his house. Once there, he waved over his friend who joined us in a booth, where we ate and enjoyed another beer. By the end of the meal, he was looking very weary and tired. I told him so and he agreed he wasn't feeling very good. So we went back to his place. He coaxed me into staying a while to keep him company. We had another drink while listening to some country music in his breakfast room (which had been turned into a bar area with a nice wood bar he built himself glittering with twinkle lights). He proceeded to talk about a girl he was in love with (for an hour!!!) Then asked my advice on how he should handle the situation (as she like him as just a friend - imagine that). Then, he was obviously not feeling great and wanted to lay down and watch a movie. I felt his head and noticed he had a fever. And although he wanted me to keep him company, I declined saying it was still early and I was feeling like going out still. So I finally left. Truth was, he seemed like a great guy to have as a friend, but seriously not a match made in heaven. Why would he go on a first date when he was feeling so ill? And then sit there and talk about a girl he is obviously still hung up on?! It's times like these that make me wonder why I date at all.

It's a Small World in this Big City

St. Patty's Day always brings a huge assortment of partying folks out. And this year it was full of more zany revelers. My girl friend and I went out to the local pub party at Meehans and thoroughly enjoyed the festivities, imbibing way too much alcohol for our own good. But that is what St. Patty's Day is all about, right? Well, we ended up in the local strip joint late at night (as strip clubs are some of the latest clubs open here in Atlanta). The place was packed! It's not my usual haunt, but I think it is fun to go occasionally (only after I've over-consumed the beverages). So there we were flirting drunkenly with guys who were obviously there for other reasons, but my girlfriend is an on-again-off-again dancer (and I once danced myself about 15 years ago) so I guess we attracted some attention. We ended up staying until closing and going back to a good looking guy's house to party some more (yes, a wild night indeed). Next thing I know, my girl friend and he are in the bathtub together. Well, I just planted myself on the couch and called it a night. The next morning we all go to breakfast together laughing it up about what a fun night we all had. I asked (just out of curiosity) what he does for a living and he says he works at *(& Bank. Surprised I said, "Oh really, my brother Rick works there, do you know him? It turns out, not only does he know him, but he works in the office next door - GULP! We both laughed it off, but obviously it was embarassing for both of us. And both of us were deeply relieved that we didn't get together. Small World, indeed!