Seems to me dad's have it easy

Dating is challenging enough without the added pressure of being a mom. When do we actually find the time? I find that I rarely have enough notice from my son's dad (on when he will take my son) to even accept a date. And those times are few and far between. And given that I am currently unemployed and recently moved across town, it isn't easy to find a sitter or afford one. I am lucky that my ex is involved with my son. However, he travels a lot for work so it isn't very consistent. One week he will take him on a Saturday, then a few weeks later he will take him all weekend. It just depends on his schedule. How lucky is he that he can just take him whenever he feels like it. I mean how would I know if he was truly working or out on the town every night. Meanwhile, I try to figure out when I can work in a date. And the guys I am dating seem to lose interest, probably on the basis that they can rarely see me. I think it would be a lot easier if I were meeting men who have kids of their own; then, perhaps they would at least understand. Yet the guys I am meeting are unmarried without children. And I have tried online dating, but I find it is harder to judge a person without meeting them face to face. And given my limited nights out, it sometimes seems like a big waste of time meeting guys that I know right away are not right for me.

And I also value my girl friends, and love to go out with them when I get the chance. So I have to be creative in order to spend time with them and find time to date. I realize now that I have been single for a year. This has been the longest stretch for me since college without having a relationship. I do think it is great for me; I need this time to myself. And I have been enjoying my freedom and being single. But I also wonder how difficult it will be to meet the man of my dreams if I can only see him every other Saturday (or sometimes less). If I am not willing to let him meet my child until we are serious, he will have to be awfully patient. I guess I will take the "wait and see" approach; and when the right guy comes along, hopefully, I will be able to find the time to work him into my life.

When it Rains it Pours

I had three dates this past weekend (it was spring break and my son was at his nana's). I don't usually date this many guys in one weekend, but they have been calling so what the heck! Friday, I went out with the guy who was sick on date #1 (I decided to give him a second chance - not sure why). Sadly I ended up paying for our night out. I guess he played on my sympathies (he had just lost his father to cancer and is also out of work right now). But, as a single mom who is struggling to make ends meet, I think it would make more sense if he had paid for half the bill! And, once again, he invited his lame friend to meet up with us, and talked of the girl he is in love with instead of asking questions about me. Not exactly my knight in shining armor.

My second date was with Mr. Nice Guy. He and I had agreed to be just friends and went out and partied like rock stars. Bad idea. By the end of the night, he was once again professing his love for me. Apparently he cannot handle being just friends.

My third date was with Dane, my old college friend. I am not sure why I keep going out with a man who obviously puts work first. He texts me for a date after weeks of not talking. So I meet him for a couple of drinks. He acts like I am the girl of his dreams the whole time, lingering on my every word, asking me probing questions like "What are you really looking for?" I shoot them back at him. He wants a partner, he says. He also tries to convince me that we would see more of eachother if I would let him come over when my son is home. I explain that I like to keep my dating life and my mommydom separate. I don't want my son to get too attached to a guy who may not be around for long. He tells me everything he thinks I want to hear. But I don't buy it because actions speak louder than words. In my mind, he is just a player. Not surprisingly, he asks me to come over to his place. I decline (mainly because I am so tired from my night out with Mr. Nice Guy). But I am relieved that I declined. Yes, some good sex would be nice for a change, but I see it more as a booty call, and I feel I may be getting too old for booty calls.

Maybe its the recent dye job (I just became a red head recently) or maybe it's something in the air, but I am not used to having so many guys asking me out. I know that I am not truly interested in any of them, but they keep calling. I guess it's true that guys enjoy a good chase.

Age is Not a Contagious Disease!

I went out last night, decided to skip the club night with the girls (I'm not much of a club goer). Went to the local tavern instead. Chatted it up with a very cute guy. We hit it off immediately, easy conversation. We made each other laugh. Liked the same music and movies. We enjoyed several drinks together over several hours of great conversation. But then the age question arose. And I knew he was probably a bit younger; I didn't realize he was only 26. Yikes, 26. For me, that was 11 years ago! I can't tell you how fast he got out of there after realizing how much older I am. I know I probably don't have much in common with a 26 year old. I know I have tons more baggage (a divorce, a kid, a slew of exes), but couldn't we at least hang out and be friends? Is that just impossible? Was Harry right when he said that women and men cannot be just friends?

Seriously?!

I went out on Saturday night with a guy I had met the week before at the St. Patty's event. We had not even talked on the phone; he asked me out through a text. So Romantic. I show up to meet him at his house in a very nice area of Atlanta. His house is somewhat surprising to me. He lives in an old house that smells of mildew and resembles that of an old frat boy's party home at the beach. He is 41, so I guess I would expect him to be a little more sophisticated. He then invites me to hang out and have a beer while we watch some basketball. Well, I am not a sports fan, but I conceded and sat down in his old comfy chair in a room overflowing with too much furniture. We chatted for a bit and it became apparent that my date was suffering from a major cold. He was all stuffed up and coughed quite a bit. But he said he wanted to go out for a bit (and I had already driven down to the area) so we went to a sports bar near his house. Once there, he waved over his friend who joined us in a booth, where we ate and enjoyed another beer. By the end of the meal, he was looking very weary and tired. I told him so and he agreed he wasn't feeling very good. So we went back to his place. He coaxed me into staying a while to keep him company. We had another drink while listening to some country music in his breakfast room (which had been turned into a bar area with a nice wood bar he built himself glittering with twinkle lights). He proceeded to talk about a girl he was in love with (for an hour!!!) Then asked my advice on how he should handle the situation (as she like him as just a friend - imagine that). Then, he was obviously not feeling great and wanted to lay down and watch a movie. I felt his head and noticed he had a fever. And although he wanted me to keep him company, I declined saying it was still early and I was feeling like going out still. So I finally left. Truth was, he seemed like a great guy to have as a friend, but seriously not a match made in heaven. Why would he go on a first date when he was feeling so ill? And then sit there and talk about a girl he is obviously still hung up on?! It's times like these that make me wonder why I date at all.

It's a Small World in this Big City

St. Patty's Day always brings a huge assortment of partying folks out. And this year it was full of more zany revelers. My girl friend and I went out to the local pub party at Meehans and thoroughly enjoyed the festivities, imbibing way too much alcohol for our own good. But that is what St. Patty's Day is all about, right? Well, we ended up in the local strip joint late at night (as strip clubs are some of the latest clubs open here in Atlanta). The place was packed! It's not my usual haunt, but I think it is fun to go occasionally (only after I've over-consumed the beverages). So there we were flirting drunkenly with guys who were obviously there for other reasons, but my girlfriend is an on-again-off-again dancer (and I once danced myself about 15 years ago) so I guess we attracted some attention. We ended up staying until closing and going back to a good looking guy's house to party some more (yes, a wild night indeed). Next thing I know, my girl friend and he are in the bathtub together. Well, I just planted myself on the couch and called it a night. The next morning we all go to breakfast together laughing it up about what a fun night we all had. I asked (just out of curiosity) what he does for a living and he says he works at *(& Bank. Surprised I said, "Oh really, my brother Rick works there, do you know him? It turns out, not only does he know him, but he works in the office next door - GULP! We both laughed it off, but obviously it was embarassing for both of us. And both of us were deeply relieved that we didn't get together. Small World, indeed!

I'm Magically Delicious

I went to a big St. Patty's Day Festival in Piedmont Park yesterday. This is always a fun event with lots of drinking, good bands and fun people watching, and the weather could not have been more perfect for it. I went by myself (mainly because I couldn't find anyone to go with me) as part of my new "What the hell, embrace loneliness" attitude. Well, maybe going to a big drinking festival alone isn't exactly the way to embrace my loneliness. There I sat on a blanket in the big crowded festival, all alone. And, guess what, no one approached me (at all). Maybe I seemed like a weird loner, maybe I am just too old for this crowd, I don't know. I don't think I look much older than everyone else, and I certainly don't look like a weird loner. I am an attractive blonde, and I was enjoying the music and a beer like everyone else. But I wasn't wearing a costume or a shirt that said "Eat me, I'm Italian" or "I'm Magically Delicious" or the upside down "If you can read this, put me back on my barstool" (yes, I did see women wearing these). Eventually (after a couple of beers) I did get up and go to the front and dance to the band. I had fun even though I was utterly and completely alone at this crazy, drunken bash. I talked to a few random people around me, but none of them invited me to join them and their friends, which I was surprised by really. After about an hour of dancing I decided to leave. It was still early (only about 8:00), but I called it a night. I didn't want to be too drunk to drive (and I knew if I stayed I would want to keep partying). That is one disadvantage of going alone. I don't regret going it alone, but I do wish that I had met someone interesting, even a new friend would have been great.

Rihanna don't go back!

All of this news about Rihanna and Chris Brown is very upsetting. I, too, have been involved with abusive men. Thankfully, I never got hurt (I got out as soon as I could after the signs were there). In one case, I dated a guy in college who I'll call Ben Stoner (yes, he was); he was the epitome of the frustrated artist. And one evening I came home after being out with a girl friend and he just threw a jealous fit (I think he might have been doing a little bit more than just pot that night). He was in such a rage that I threw a chair at him to defend myself. Then he threatened to kill me and proceeded to get a gun. I got away quick and ran out of the house to phone the police. Ben also ran out of the house and the cops found him in the woods and took him to jail (he was then tranferred to a mental hospital for a few days). I was so hooked though and I remember it killed me to let him go. I did the right thing though, and packed his stuff up and moved him out. I had constant nightmares about him after that; and since we had the same friends, I was constantly running into him. So I dropped out of college as a result of the whole drama.

Years later, I thought I was past playing the enabler. However, my recent relationship proves "once and enabler, always an enabler," for it also showed definite signs of abuse. Jake (who my friend refers to as Dumb F*ck) was very possessive and got very irate one day after I came back from a girlfriends party (she lived pretty far so I had spent the night). Long story short, I ended up locked in a bathroom with him (he wouldn't let me leave) standing in a towel sobbing as he threw things, punched holes in the door and shouted obscenities at me. When I finally got passed him (he was a foot taller and much stronger than I) I ran for the phone to call the police and he tried to get the phone from me. I bit his wrist and made a quick call as he ran out of the house. I would love to say this was the last I ever saw of him, but, no, I stayed in that mess of a relationship for close to six more months. Even after he had called my parents and told them a bunch of lies and truths I really wish they didn't know about me. He continued to prove what a Dumb F*ck he was by following me, checking my phone calls, and even arguing with me in front of my child at Disney World of all places! Yes, I finally did leave him, but God knows, it took me way too long to get out of there (part of the reason was I was unemployed then too).

So, Rihanna, take note: No Good Will Come of Your Relationship with Chris Brown. These guys don't change. We want them to. We want to believe we can bring out the best in them. But in the end, they bring out the worst in us. And, truly, I would rather be in NO relationship than a bad relationship. I know I have lived it, but I truly hope I have learned from it.