I haven't written in a while. I have been down in the dumps after being laid off from my job. Like a lot of people, I am jobless and down and out for the holidays. I have been thinking so much about life lately. I miss being young and carefree. I keep in touch with a lot of old friends from school on Facebook and I suppose it is a constant reminder of my wilder, younger days when being a free spirit was completely okay. Now that I am a mom, this is not the case. I feel so lonely, a loneliness that I haven't felt before. And what I feel most of all, is desperate for excitement. I want to be lit up again. I want to feel anticipation, the kind that comes with a new love, a new job, a new interest. But right now, I am not interested in anything. I am dreading the coming weeks and wish that the year would be over NOW. I feel the coming year will be a better one. This year has been filled with such angst, worry and bad luck. I left a nightmarish relationship that has left me with a concrete wall of distrust and fear. I lost two jobs that I liked. I hate to feel sorry for myself because I am so lucky in so many ways, but I do feel like I deserve way more than I have gotten this year. I guess my bad decisions have caught up with me. So here I am, 36, out of work, lonely, jaded and poor. Happy F*cking Holidays!
4 comments:
So sorry to hear you got laid off
:(
*big hugs*
hope next year is much better for you
Ps - dont lose hope
Oh, I've had those years. In fact, this year hasn't been all that different for me. It can be hard when you're in the thick of it to believe that there's a reason for any of it. But I have to believe (have to) deep down, that everything happens for a reason and that it will all work out in the end. If it hasn't worked out yet then it isn't then end.
I know -it's cold comfort when you're feeling the depth of the pain. But hang in there. It gets better.
ps. I've moved to http://www.sex-lies-dating.com
Oh I feel you!! I am so sorry to hear you are laid off. I've had no luck finding new work, so I too dread the holidays and hope for a better new year. Hopefully you will have far better luck than me, and I know you will. Don't let it get your down. :(
Post a Comment