Rihanna don't go back!

All of this news about Rihanna and Chris Brown is very upsetting. I, too, have been involved with abusive men. Thankfully, I never got hurt (I got out as soon as I could after the signs were there). In one case, I dated a guy in college who I'll call Ben Stoner (yes, he was); he was the epitome of the frustrated artist. And one evening I came home after being out with a girl friend and he just threw a jealous fit (I think he might have been doing a little bit more than just pot that night). He was in such a rage that I threw a chair at him to defend myself. Then he threatened to kill me and proceeded to get a gun. I got away quick and ran out of the house to phone the police. Ben also ran out of the house and the cops found him in the woods and took him to jail (he was then tranferred to a mental hospital for a few days). I was so hooked though and I remember it killed me to let him go. I did the right thing though, and packed his stuff up and moved him out. I had constant nightmares about him after that; and since we had the same friends, I was constantly running into him. So I dropped out of college as a result of the whole drama.

Years later, I thought I was past playing the enabler. However, my recent relationship proves "once and enabler, always an enabler," for it also showed definite signs of abuse. Jake (who my friend refers to as Dumb F*ck) was very possessive and got very irate one day after I came back from a girlfriends party (she lived pretty far so I had spent the night). Long story short, I ended up locked in a bathroom with him (he wouldn't let me leave) standing in a towel sobbing as he threw things, punched holes in the door and shouted obscenities at me. When I finally got passed him (he was a foot taller and much stronger than I) I ran for the phone to call the police and he tried to get the phone from me. I bit his wrist and made a quick call as he ran out of the house. I would love to say this was the last I ever saw of him, but, no, I stayed in that mess of a relationship for close to six more months. Even after he had called my parents and told them a bunch of lies and truths I really wish they didn't know about me. He continued to prove what a Dumb F*ck he was by following me, checking my phone calls, and even arguing with me in front of my child at Disney World of all places! Yes, I finally did leave him, but God knows, it took me way too long to get out of there (part of the reason was I was unemployed then too).

So, Rihanna, take note: No Good Will Come of Your Relationship with Chris Brown. These guys don't change. We want them to. We want to believe we can bring out the best in them. But in the end, they bring out the worst in us. And, truly, I would rather be in NO relationship than a bad relationship. I know I have lived it, but I truly hope I have learned from it.